Sunday, December 14, 2008

Happy Birthday Brother

Today is my birthday. It is also my older brother's birthday. We are exactly three years apart. Sometimes I feel like we are twins and I miss him terribly. He will be home for the holidays and I'm hoping I can convince my little brother and sister to go with us to the bar and sing karaoke. And by that I mean I hope my brothers and sister will sing. There's no way I'm doing that.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Happy Birthday

Today is Eric and the little sister's birthday. I love them both and hope I go before them both.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Insanity Defense

There are many reasons why I fully expect to experience a psychotic break at some point in my life. The mental stability of some members of my immediate family being the main reason. This is not a very good example, but it is the most recent so it will do for now.

When I got home from work today my mom and dad are standing in the kitchen and the conversation is as follows:

Dad (in thick country accent): Hey Gabie, what is the gestational period of a squirrel?

Me: I don't know. Why would I know something like that?

Dad: I don't know, just thought you might. Well, maybe you can tell me the capitol of Alaska.

Me (Ashamed I did not know): ANCHORAGE!

Mom: Nooo...

Gabie (phone ringing): Let's see if Eric knows (anwers phone). Hey, what's the capitol of Alaska?

Eric: Juneau.

Gabie (to parents): Juneau.

Mom: That's what I thought.

Dad: That's what we thought.

Gabie (to eric): Do you know the gestational period of a squirrel?

Eric: No.

Gabie: Me neither. He doesn't know.

Dad: Get on that computer and look it up for me.

Gabie: Why didn't you just look in the encyclopedia?

Dad: I did, couldn't find it.

So, I looked it up and it varies, but approximately 40 days. I learned at least two things today when I got home from work so I'm not complaining. My dad asks me alot of very random questions thinking I will know the answer because I have a masters degree. About a month ago dad asked, "What's the melting point of copper?" I said, "I have no idea dad. Why would I know something like that?" He replied, "You went to college, I thought you might have learned that along the way." To which I reminded him, "I have a master's degree in Social Work dad. I don't remember learning the melting point of any metals in any of my social work classes."

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Hospital Heaven

Occasionally while I am working a dead body will be rolled past me. Later the family comes to say goodbye and cry. I always think about what that family must be feeling because I have no idea. I have never lost anyone who was really close to me and I fear the day that happens (excluding my grandparents but I was so young I don't remember the feeling). My grandfather and his siblings have died in order of birth so far. My great aunt and her sister are the only remaining siblings. I guess that's how it should be. Happy Birthday little brother. I hope I go before you.

Grey skys with 100% chance of crazy

When I walked outside to get into my car this morning I was surrounded by an alarming color. I don't know if I should say the outside of my house, the world, mississippi, or what, but everything was blue/grey. When I looked at my skin in this light it was very very pale which isn't suprising if you know me, but was alarming to me nonetheless. It was a very calming, soothing color that was partnered with really shitty weather. Then my thoughts went to the psychiatric patients I work with everyday. Interesting how our thougth processes work isn't it? I was thinking they go through all those medications and all that talking and poking and proding and all they really need is laughter. In some cases laughter is the best medicine I think. Most of the patients are sad. Really fucking sad. And maybe if they had something and someone in their life to make them laugh they wouldn't be so sad. Or maybe not. I don't know. I just know they don't laugh very much when they are here and probably not much at all and that really fucking sucks cause I laugh alot. I laugh with my family and with my friends and with my co-workers. I'm not suggesting that this is all it takes. There are many other things that can be wrong besides just being really fucking sad but I think there should be laughter and music.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Self restraint

I dreamed about them again last night. The retards. I don't remember the actual clients I was dreaming about, but I've only ever known certain retards so it had to be them. In my dream I was the only staff watching the entire female cottage (26 people) when one of the ladies began to get out of hand and wouldn't self restrain (lay on the floor face down with hands behind back) so I had to leave them all to run over to the male cottage to get help. This is just all so silly really. I dream about them so often and never remember dreaming about the psychiatric patients I see although I'm sure that I do.

Monday, December 1, 2008


So, parts of that last post came true. Others did not. I stayed at E's place the night before so I didn't really wake up early. I went home and began cleaning and making the shit that I was responsible for. Mom had already made hers. Went to gather my ingredients and noticed one very important thing was missing. I knew Dad had taken it even though he would have had to look over the one that he had purchased in order to find mine. I yelled at Dad for being inconsiderate and forgetful which, looking back, was completely mean and unnecessary. Then I made a drink. The night before I made little brother clean some things and bring the fake christmas tree in from outside as I knew my mother would want us to begin decorating soon. My sister came in at some point and made her dish which consisted of alot of garlic. Then something amazing happened. I finished making my thing and cleaning what I could and started dragging out decorations (the stuff is cooking, things have been cleaned, there is nothing else to do) when my sister offered to do the dragging out of shit instead. I couldn't believe it. So she was doing that and I was doing something else and although the little brother didn't really do anything he sat in the living room and looked at pictures and said funny things while we did. E came over during all of this and contributed to the entertainment. We ate, we cleaned, we continued decorating. I'm really glad E was there and we had a good time just being together. He left a while later and I took a nap. My friend Dana and I went out that night for drinks and a good time was had by all.